What procrastination is really about
Whether it’s cleaning out your closet or finally writing that book you’ve promised yourself you’d start, we’ve all procrastinated doing something. But why? If you asked me a few years ago, I’d probably say it’s due to laziness or time management, but according to this 2019 piece published in the New York Times procrastination has nothing to do with either of those things, procrastination is actually an emotional regulation problem.
You’re avoiding a particular task because of the difficult emotions (anxiety, insecurity, frustration, etc) that get triggered from the specific task. Procrastinating a relatively simple task, saying cleaning out your cat’s litter box might be about the unpleasant nature of the task itself (like it smells gross), but getting stuck finishing writing your 80,000-word novel is likely related to deeper feelings surrounding it. For example, maybe you’re doubting your skills as a writer or you don’t know where to take your story but are afraid of having to ask someone for help.
What to do about your procrastination
After you’ve identified that maybe there are some deeper reasons why you’re avoiding a task, how do you overcome it and just start? In Episode 210 of the Speaking of Psychology podcast put out by the American Psychological Association, guest Fuschia Sirois, a professor of the department of psychology at Durham University in the UK says, “Finding ways to manage those negative emotions, especially if they're really intense, is key. And some very simple ways that the research has borne out and that takes the edge off them is forgiveness and self-compassion.”
It sounds counterintuitive – shouldn’t you just get out the whip and start cracking? Sirois’ research has found the opposite. “Students who forgave themselves for procrastinating on academic work were found two weeks later to actually procrastinate less.” The irony is that people who are prone to procrastination tend to have lower levels of self-compassion and higher levels of stress, revealed in a 2013 US study published by Sirois.
How do you give yourself self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness and understanding the same way you’d do to a friend. Kristen Neff, a pioneer in the self-compassion space defines the term on her site saying, “Self-compassion involves responding in the same supportive and understanding way you would with a good friend when you have a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself.”
It’s important to note that self-compassion is not self-pity. Self-pity removes you from the collective, thinking you’re the only one suffering and is a very ego-centric viewpoint.
A couple examples of giving yourself self-compassion around procrastination in finishing your novel could be saying things to yourself like:
“Writing a novel is no small feat! I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish so far. All writers struggle with productivity at times.”
“I have a full-time job and a family to care for and I’ve already managed to get some words down, which I should be proud of. New writers like me have faced similar challenges with finishing, maybe I should reach out to a writer friend to see if she has any tips on moving the rest of my novel forward.”
Neff ties mindfulness and meditation into her self-compassion work and offers a handful of free meditations you might want to try out, especially if you find self-compassion difficult (it’s totally normal if you do!). The first time I ever did a self-compassion meditation, I had difficulty accepting the positive messages I was sending to myself.
The health consequences of procrastination
I was surprised to learn there are real health consequences related to procrastination, including higher rates of depression, anxiety and stress, as one 2023 study out of Sweden reported. It’s not just mental health that’s impacted, but physical health including immune function and heart health. If you’re someone who deals with chronic procrastination to the point it’s negatively affecting your day-to-day life, then seeking professional help is a good place to start. For example, there is a strong connection between having ADHD and procrastination.
Other ways to manage procrastination
Self-compassion is an excellent place to start, but there are other practical ways to overcome procrastination including:
Break down tasks. If you still need to write 40,000 words and can’t even fathom where to start, start with something that feels manageable, like writing 300 words in a session. Do that a few dozen times and the next thing you know you’ve written a few thousand words.
Reward yourself. A simple way to boost motivation is by giving yourself rewards along the way. Maybe every 10,000 words you treat yourself to a latte and when you finish the entire draft you book yourself a massage. Rewards help to create a positive association between the activity and the goal of the activity.
Remove distractions. I’ve talked about how distractions can easily get you out of a flow state, but they also increase the probability of procrastination. This might mean turning off the TV or silencing your phone. Personally, I use do not disturb and work in a room with the door closed.
